Not too long ago, I was on a coaching call with my Becoming Blissmakers group. We were having a check in, and several of the ladies were confessing how they didn’t get around to doing certain tasks they’d been planning to do.
Inevitably, there were tones of guilt and shame coloring these confessions. And in a couple cases, these were usually followed by a string of excuses as to why the task in question wasn’t completed, or, in some cases, even attempted.
I notice this a lot. I notice it with coaching clients. I notice it with friends, family, colleagues. I notice it with myself, occasionally, too. There is a tendency to set expectations for ourselves to do certain things by certain deadlines. Then, when we don’t meet those self-imposed expectations, we bury ourselves beneath a great pile of heavy accusatory emotions (guilt, shame, remorse, worthlessness, etc.).
IMO, this is neither a healthy, nor a helpful pattern.
So, as my Becoming Blissmakers ladies were sharing these confessions, heads bowed, eyes lowered, shoulders slumping; I asked them the following questions:
How do you FEEL about the fact that you didn’t do [insert given task here]?
What information do those feelings have to share with you about your relationship to both the task and the lack of follow-through to completion of it?
Do you really, truly, actually want to do this thing you’re asking of yourself? (Or, asked in another way … WHY are you assigning this task to yourself?)
The answers to these questions can provide some very valuable information!
Firstly, checking in with your FEELINGS pulls your awareness into your body and out of the headspace of your THOUGHTS. It removes the whole experience from the iron grip of the Monkey Mind/Ego, and allows you to interact with your situation in a full-sensory capacity. The body is often way less adept at subterfuge than the mind. It’s more honest. Feeling a heaviness in your chest, a constriction in your throat or jaw, or a pain in your gut is very different than feeling a quickened pulse, an expansiveness of the heart center, or a lightness in the limbs. Generally speaking, if a feeling feels good to you, it’s a signal that you’re doing something that will be of benefit to you; and if it feels not-so-good, then maybe it’s not your best option. Soul often speaks to us through feelings. Thoughts often speak to us through the filters of propaganda, programming, and social doctrine. That doesn’t mean that thoughts are bad or are unhelpful. It just means that to truly align your words/deeds/choices with your highest evolution, it is important to check in with your feelings, and not let your thoughts run the show.
The second question can help you to dive a little more deeply into all the information you were tapping into with the first. Exploring your feelings and sensations during these confessional moments can help you gain some very valuable clarity around the particular quality, quantity, and types of tasks you’re assigning for yourself (ie: obligatory tasks, blissfully selfish/indulgent pursuits, distraction actions, growth/expansion activities, etc.). This is also a great way to evaluate (or re-evaluate) your own personal system of assigning tasks and deadlines and how you reinforce them (ie: rewards and punishments). If you’re feeling okay with the tasks you’re assigning, but can’t seem to get them completed, there may be a flaw in your system of execution. Knowing this allows you to spend your energy addressing the actual problem rather than the symptoms.
Lastly, and this plays on the first two questions, it’s important to step back from the situation and [yet again!] ask yourself if you really, really, really do want to do this thing you’re asking yourself to do. So often we have these stories that we tell ourselves about Who We Are. But rarely do we check in to ask ourselves if these are the stories we WANT for ourselves. So many of us have ingrained ideas about what we’re supposed to do to be the people we think we’re supposed to be. And so often, these ideas were planted in our subconscious by family, friends, media, and other social propaganda, and do not, in fact, represent who we really are and what we really want. So, take this time to ask yourself if you really, really, really want to do what you’re trying to do. Odds are, if you do, you’d have already done it, and wouldn’t be in this confessional mess. If not, are you making an empowered choice to do this thing you don’t want to do? If so, why? If not, what story are you telling yourself that allows you to give away your power, and to whom (or what) are you giving it? Can you reclaim your power and release your obligation to this task? And, finally, if, after checking in with your SOUL, you realize that you do really really really want to do this thing, then it’s time to explore why you didn’t, and create a strategy to work through that obstacle post haste.
This is a simple process, blissmakers. But that doesn’t mean it’s always comfortable or easy to implement. It IS a valuable and necessary process if you want to live a blissful, authentic, empowered life, which is your birthright, BTW. You can totally do this! It just requires decision, dedication, and practice.
If you find that you need a little help getting started, hit me up! I’m here! That’s what I do: I help people just like you get clear on what they really want, what’s keeping them from making it happen, and what they can do about it right now. It’s so much easier to make these shifts and transformations when you have help.
CLICK HERE to apply for a FREE Unblock Your Bliss session if this is something you’re ready to tackle.
Sending you all love, light, and sparkles, blissmakers! Keep lighting up the world with your magick! xoxo